Sh*t Happens…

Father Chime, where you been? The question I know you have all been asking yourselves, while constantly sitting on my website hitting refresh, hoping, praying that another blog were to appear :). Well, to answer the question you weren’t asking, summer for an educator happened and no day is the same. During the school year things are very predictable and every week night looks almost identical. Get home from work, play with kid, eat dinner, feed dogs, feed kid, bath and put kid to bed, then blog or watch Netflix with some sort of night cap in hand. Summer is a different beast for educators, where vacations, tying up lose ends, putting finishing touches on your home, and experiments with your kids in anticipation for next school year’s schedule are tested, as August looms disappointingly near. My Netflix and blog slot has changed to my son’s nap times, which sometimes don’t last long enough to finish a whole drink to get the juices flowing….

But here I finally am, hold on, BRB…(haven’t written that acronym since freshman year of high school)

Okay I’m back….as I was writing at my kitchen table, my wife asked me “I don’t think he pooped”, as she too comfortably smelled my son’s butt. As I look up from my computer I say “Oh shit, the hell he didn’t, its going down his whole leg!”  My wife then offered kindly, “Well he got a little on his seat, so I’ll clean the seat and you clean him”, as if it were a fair trade. But, I reluctantly picked him up, his eyes gazing into mine, as I carry him like a stick of dynamite into his bedroom.

Back to smelling butts… I never knew I’d reach a point in life where the statement, “smell his butt.” wouldn’t make me stop and think “Excuse me?” Nowadays its no different than being asked to go check the mail. Sometimes the answer is similar too, “Nope, nothing, it usually doesn’t come until noon.”

Earlier this month, my wife and I had our first experience of not being prepared as parents, and I’m sure it won’t be the last time. In our defense, it was a big day, and our minds were probably just filled with overflowing excitement. ..we were headed to Menard’s and Lowe’s like real people. (It’s the little things these days)

I’m terrible at smelling poop, not as in I won’t smell my son to see if he went, just that I usually don’t notice it unless I’m playing Labrador. Sitting at a stoplight my wife says “Do you smell that?” (of course I didn’t) “He definitely pooped, we need to change his diaper in the parking lot.”

Side note, my wife is like a Jedi of poop. I don’t want that to sound weird, but she can not only predict if and when our son is going to poop, we can be on a walk with our dogs and she will say “Oh, I can tell Bear is going to poop.” As I nod it off as an odd thing to claim, sure enough, 10 min later I’m bending over with a Schnucks bag. Mothers just know shit, that’s what I’m coming to realize.

Back to the situation at hand. It didn’t take us long to realize as we pulled into the Menard’s parking lot, “We forgot the diaper bag at home!”, we said in unison.

Now, we weren’t super panicked, its not like we were in an airplane and had to ride this smell out, but it did cause us to make an extra stop at Walgreens. But…it didn’t end there. As I have my son laid out in the trunk of the Pathfinder smiling at me as if he planned this all out, my wife returns with the diapers. “Oh perfect! The day is saved!”, you’re thinking, not quite. “So, where are the wipes?”, I asked. “Oh its fine I’ll be able to do it without them.” She said. Without hesitation I said “I’m going back in.” After returning with the wipes, we realized that if we had tried to change him without wipes, the next stop would of been the car wash.

Luckily we got him all cleaned up and off we went on our big day out. See the picture below….parenthood, memories for a lifetime…

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