College Roommate or Son? When Life Reincarnate’s Itself…

It is said that life comes full circle. You are born being dependent on other people while wearing diapers, and you die being dependent on other people while wearing diapers. But I believe there are a few other stops where life repeats itself in between the beginning and the end, like college and parenting. Let me explain…

Before you were a parent, when was the last time you heard or experienced any of the following…

• “Damn, he peed behind the dresser again!!”
• Waking up to 7 empty bottles on your end table
• “He threw up because he drank it too fast.”
• Someone you live with wet their bed, or the couch…twice
• Seeing someone holding a bottle in their underwear, and crying for no reason
• “Where is he?”…”He passed out on the living room floor.”

If the answer to any of those is yesterday, you are probably a parent, or….still in college.

Parenting has been a lot like having “that” roommate in college. The one people always bet on whether or not they will end up asleep in their own bed that night…..or in yours. The same roommate that causes you to wake up in the middle of the night to check on a “smell”, or if they are breathing. So far, I could definitely be describing parenthood…

Besides roommates, there are other people and places in college that life is now taking me back to…the bars for example…

Many times in college I saw bartenders get mistreated because of the drunks yelling, crying and slurring their words at them. While back then I did feel for them, I now completely understand how they felt. You would think making a baby bottle would be simple, but with my first one you might as well have told me to make a Manhattan.

Instead of  whiskey, sweet vermouth, a dash of bitters and served the rocks with a cherry, it was “Fill it with water and make sure it goes right to the 4 oz line, not above or below, then make sure you add two scoops of formula, but loose scoops not packed ones, then add the gas drops, but make sure to only put 0.3 ml in, then shake it, don’t stir it, and put it in the bottle warmer for 2:10. Then before you give it to him make sure the temperature is okay by putting a drip on your wrist.” Jesus, anything else? Are we sure it doesn’t need a little umbrella in it?

At this point I’m a pro, I glide side to side in the kitchen like I’m Tom Cruise in Cocktail with a cloth draped over my shoulder, whippin’ it up like its nothing. “The usual buddy? 6 oz of Kirkland Infant Formula with Iron, neat, with a splash of Mylicon? Coming right up… even though the very demanding frat boy customer pictured above is screaming at me to do it quicker…

College and parenthood have many similarities…

And while I now wake up early for bottle feedings instead of tailgates, I wouldn’t change it for the world..

-DadBod17